Marriages are often accidents. People enter into wedlocks for various reasons except the right one. Yes! That’s true. Anyone who knows the real reason or purpose behind marriage will unhesitatingly say - it’s not required!
As an ordinary child born to the most normal parents, you go through life like a hurdle race - surviving events after events the last one being your coffin! That’s what the effort is all about - to die an “extravagant death”. When I die, I want people around me - my sons, grandsons, daughters, on a cozy warm bed, in a 3BHK apartment/ bungalow, after being treated by the best of the doctors….so on and so forth! Other reasons for being convinced about marriage include hopes of romance (a faint possibility of course!), looking at the innocent faces of toothless kids, keeping your parents happy, putting couple faces on facebook, replaying bollywood scenes, companionship and what not! And yes, because you thought you loved somebody!
Have you ever wondered what all this effort has led you to? Generally a “drained-off” feeling!
Even more so if you are to share your space with someone you perceive as incompatible.
So what do you do now? Divorce of course! And the whole story once again...and again!
Well, let’s us see whether there is anything better life has to offer.
Is marriage good or bad?
What purpose does it serve?
Do you notice that life is consistently a choice between two things - a pair of opposites? Like-dislike, compatible-incompatible, good-bad, loss-gain. And you feel forced to pick one of the two. But who or what defines good or bad? Who defines your nature? Who defines joy & sorrow? Think about it.
It’s your mind! Your mind believes certain words to be true and shapes you.
Your mind picks-up an identity. It limits you to only those chosen few words which you use to describe yourself often. I am strong, i'm shy, am rich, i'm lost, i’m indecisive, I need this & that. And therefore, these are the things that will make me happy and these other things will make me sad.
Have you ever asked your mind whether what it believes to be true is really true? Many self-help books, mind-trainers and personality coaches use positive affirmations as way to success. This proves, what you call “your world” is a set of self-imposed limitations. And hence, the moment you decide to adopt a different set of words to define yourself, you become that. This means your mind is fluid, pliable and as reflective as water. It has the capacity to accommodate your nature and other people’s natures as well - all at the same time! Therefore, although you are born with a particular nature, you are not really tied to it. You can explore and grow from finite to infinite!
Coming back to the question on marriage, now visualize yourself with a person with exactly opposite set-of traits. Now that you have a water-like personality will it be easy or tough for you to navigate through the list of likes-dislikes? Is divorce still the only way out?
Transforming yourself can be challenging. But, is not life about that - growth, transformation and bringing forth a better version of yourself!!!
For all those of us who aren’t born gyanis, yet who are trying to explore life to find our respective treasures marriage is a platform to expand our sense of identity. In sharing our space, our time we come to realise the greater truth that after all it’s not about “me” alone!
And we become mature enough to include the entire universe as a family one day!
